Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me

When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation

Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender

Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king

timothy (lee), CPS 6/2, 1G07 2G08 3K09
psalms 27:4
God, Bball, Future MNC, Music, YPM, Friends, Family, Anger and Ego Management, Mugger Association Elected President, Dreams to parkour properly with yu siang, fall for sitong again, poke WC, get killed by ZH, win interclass, make a proper pass to JZ, reconcile with C...

-6:44 AM

Hais. Days since I've updated.
Yes,
I've no motivation to do it until Sitong told me to.
Sorry blog.
You've to thank Sitong.

Today was rated 3 out of 5 since the boredom was suppressed by INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL and yeah, how cool's that xD
I loved the show la. But it was not extremely 'sitting-on-the-edge-of-the-seat' kind of exciting like the previuso ones. Sorry Harrison Ford, I guess I'm too emo for the cheers and whatsoever. WC wasn't there. You weren't there. I didn't feel the urge to go 'WTF THAT WAS BLOODY COOL MAN' when Harrison did some super cool stunt like when Iron Man did a cool missle trick. I guess it was because WC was there. Sitong was there and he was happy (now he's emo) and Woon Ping is always happy (haha). Whatever it is, the show rocked and I'd prefer it if you watched it before Narnia: Prince Caspian. No reason why. Just support the cool, serial guy and watch the show and make the series complete in your mind. Okay? Go get your tickets.

Yah, maybe its the small things that you do,
But they all bring a smile to my face.
You're just too important to me.
But you've left.
I don't know if you'll ever come back.
But I just hope you do,
Cause' life's just not the same
Without you.


-1:31 AM

Hais
Yah Sitong, everyday's getting more and more boring. i agree. srsly.
I got a way to maths e-assignments which Daniel will kill me for so thats' 1 work complete.
I'm going to focus more on piano now,
Since there's really nothing more to look forward to already.
It's so quiet.
The world's disappearing.
It's so virtual now that I can shout here and people in an ICQ chatroom can hear me.
I wonder if my friends could hear me.
Come back please.

I think after meeting friends again today lightened me a bit (okay, its quite a lot) and I could laugh, like siao, for once since I was home quarantined since last Thursday. Maths Olympiad was okay, but I'm not expecting results from it since no one also does, except for Daniel. I can imagine Sylvester also taking the olympiad and scoring platinum again. Maybe you'll have a confirmed place in a renowned University then.

Well at least you're not spam-smsing me anymore
Nor are you crazily on msn
I hardly hear a sound from you le.
Well,
Maybe that's a good sign.
You're forgetting.
In 3,2 and 1 you'll forget everything.
But hey,
just before you forget everything,
make sure you remember one last thing.
One last one.
You owe me something. Hahaha.


-9:09 PM

Idc, today's going to be the last day I'm getting stuck at home
Something like home quaratine
Or even worse than that.
Sitong, at least we'll see each other on competition tomorrow and in Supplementary on Wed.
I've finally persuaded my parents to bring me overseas next week when I've healed.

So we'll take this time off to cool down
Forget Sem 1 which was full of ups and downs and hustles and tears.
Forget why we even felt what we felt
Forget why we did what we did
Forget why we worked so hard for someone when all we needed to was to work for ourselves
Forget why we made some silly remarks
Forget why we made things harder than they already were
and also to forget why you ever came into my life.

I hope I'll see Fabain, Mario and all the other guys and girls too on Tues and Weds.
I will not miss my chance to see you guys.

WC must be enjoying himself now, considering that he doesn't come online anymore.
Sitong's always online at the wrong times,
And so are all my friends.
The people I don't want online are online.
The people I'm constricted about are online.
If that's the use of MSN,
Then I don't think I want to use MSN anymore.

请你忘记我
Cos' if you don't,
You'll constrict me even further


-12:59 AM

Why must you leave, WC?


Sitong, why must you leave too?


Everyone's getting a break,


Making use of this 1 month to finish stuff, acquire stuff and forget stuff.





Now when I listen to music from any source, let it be my CD player, my MP3, my com, the radio, every song played is so emo, so close to everyhting thats' happening to me.





When I turn on the TV, the shows are either lame or boring, or theres' so much crying its emo too. Every actors' and actresses' faces are so emo. The music played is so emo. The storyline is so emo. I think I'll just turn off the tv and throw away the remote.



Whenever I turn on msn, i look under 'Gemma Guys' list and no one is online. I think if there's this next time, I'll just go offline straight away, since there's no point to msn without you all.



Whenever I open up the piano to play pieces which are weaved by fingers, I get everything wrong, I don't have any rhythm. I wanna destress and go jog 5km but I just don't have the strength to do it. Without Sitong, how can I do all these?



Whenever I come across the icons Gunz, Cabal or other games on my desktop, they are just like excel-based indices worksheets to me; when I want to watch Slam dunk online, you're not there to share with me every single thing Sakuragi, Sendo, Rukawa, Gori Akagi etc. does. Without WC, do I still want to do this?



Whenever I wanna laugh, have a great time with my friends and just let loose, I know that Fabian, Mario, Ernest, WP and XuGong will always be there. All of you make up every fragment of my life. Without you, who am I?



Gemma guys and girls, I'll miss you for this 1 month. Lets just hope it ends fast, and I'll see you all again.



I used to wait day and night just for a small word from your mouth;

I wanted to know more of you.

Yet as I got closer,

I just couldn't get more from you,

And when I did what I was waiting to do for you since the day I fell for you,

It stopped.

I can feel no more.



Now you talk,

but the emptiness inside me is not caused by you but by my friends who have gone,

and sadly,

You'll never fill it.


-4:56 PM

Woke up at 5.45pm
Realised that I have this insatiable cough, running nose and a bloody 38 Degree Celsius fever.
Why after level camp I must zhong all this viral attacks
Why must I face the fact that I may not be able to go to school tomorrow,
Why must I be so sick,
Body drained of everything
But my mind is still wide awake?
From level camp to now,
I had 2 viral attacks already.
Both times,
I could barely move from place to place;
But somehow my mind was still fresh and thinking.
My condition worsened so badly from the day before.

---

Oh ya, sorry to tell you, Fabian and Mario, I'm sick today so we're not going to my gong gong's house. We'll meet up in the hols although WC will be flying to China. So WC, you must help us do report even though you're away. Tell me beforehand what time you'll go on msn and I'll login during that time.

And to jaslyn and luorong; when the blog is up and running, we can start the chinese project ASAP. Thanks.


-7:12 AM

I think i just got enlightened after two hours.
Just forget what I said below,
I was emo-ing,
I was fantasising,
I was dreaming of nothing; and there was nothing to dream of in the first place.

You weren't there in the first place.
You're not even substantial in my life.
You look yonder,
But the real target was actually beside or behind.

Maybe I'll decide not to give anymore last chances for myself,
Most likely because you've not given me a chance.
I keep saying please give me a chance when you don't even know that I was talking to you.
I'm giving up on everything.

Bye. And there is no 再见 in my goodbye.
I'm saying goodbye to me playing as an in-between.
I'm tired of transferring. Tired of being the communication device. What do you all take me as?
I'm getting over this.
I'll mind my own business already.
I'm busy enough.


-2:47 AM

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know



I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you



I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear



I've found a resaon for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is You



I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know



I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you



I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

I am a fool. And I am a large one for a start.

You were so close to me, but I kept a distance so huge; I don't know if what I did was right, but it is paining me every second now.

Sometimes the best way to let your special one have happiness,

Is to let go. For most of the time you are not accomplishing anything; and nothing is righter than loosening the tight grip you have around him or her; releasing the constriction you are dearly holding on to; and trapping him or her deeper and tighter instead.

When people daoed me, you were there to lend a listening ear, no matter mine or your circumstance.

When I was too tired with other things, I was sure I could come to you for comfort; I was sure you would be there waiting; but I always thought that it was my right- though it was actually your open arms instead.

When I didn't want to talk to anyone anymore cause' everything was too hard to understand and everyone similarly- I needed a reliable ear; you were there, always.

Maybe I've pushed your limits to a point of never-return and maybe I don't mean anything much to you anymore.

But please,

Before I go, let me repay you once. Just once.

It may not be much,

It may not be worthy of all that you've done;

It may not be of great expense and of great work.

But, at least, it will come from the bottom of my heart. I swear.

So, even if it kills me or if it kills you; please, wait for me one more time before I'll let go of everything. One more chance for me to do something. One more chance for me to atone for what I've done, One more chance for me to make you smile for the least of a split-second. Give that chance to me. Please.

-6:10 AM

Lol.
Eh, fabian, Mario and WC - I haven't ask my gong gong whther we can interview him yet. Very soon. He's quite sociable. Should be okay.

Oh yah sitong, You starting Dou Qin 3 after hols ar? Where you going? China?
When you start call me, I start with you, maybe we can play together someday.

Today in class was slack.
I finally took of my cap and then ppl like Richard and Ada keep commenting that my hair is better spiked than with a long fringe and I bet you all were SUAN-ing me lar. Haha jk la, I have to thank you all for the ego boost. Ada's hair also changed alot, commented by Sitong or someone else (cant remember liao) so much nicer since year 1.

During geog and LA, we had our periods free. Sitong, I must say we had the greatest time ever.
We went to LT twice
Then we played once at the foyer.
So fun,
Everybody's looking and we played our best.
Maybe it could be called one of my best days ever in school.
We'll do it again someday, maybe 2moro? xD

I don't want anything 2moro, cos he needs it more.

Hais, I on msn alr said everything I need to say le,
Now it's up to you all hor.
Nothing will happen if nothing is done.
So WC must go pursue what you really want,
Don't let it go so easily.

Oh yah, sitong,
I started playing the 4 hand piano piece le, I play bottom u play top. Remember k!


-5:07 AM

I had an emo post before.
Wonder if you saw it.

STUPID SI TONG SHOWED ME THE MOST GAY, SCARY AND FUNNY MOVIE EVER I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF.

Stupid video.
I feel so much better laughing my guts out.
Thanks for those who consoled me when I was emoing
Thanks for SiTong who cried and laughed with me
Thanks for WC for patiently waiting for my call even though I hadn't called him till now.

I've just deleted my other post.
Won't let anything stop me anymore.
I'll lead life as per normal,
No more obstacles and burdens. No nothing.

Start afresh. xD


-11:48 PM

Not alot of time; 10 min more;
I'm going to practice Qing Tian and other songs.
Level camp rocked. Will update asap ok?
Go level camp!!!


-5:43 AM

QB house got my fringe off and away and now I have to say goodbye to it till next month. Take it as its holiday after so many times of fingering to the right.

I was playing bball halfway, just scored a lay up then suddenly sitong beg me to go LT to play piano. If I had the chance to play, I wouldn't have stopped myself but would I do it? I'm chioning also larh, it's not like I don't want to.
I'll play it for you sooner than you'd like it to (provided Sitong doesn't overwhelm me with jie kou)
WC, please dun be j______. Joking.

Level camp. Can i comment?
Nothing. I can't believe I'm going to npt-practice for 4 days, 3 nights.
Bye piano,
Till we meet again.

Sigh. I'd never want to hear what you say till I fell that I'm prepared for it.
Thanks for all the imbas who cheered me up on tags;
Cheers to you =P


-2:14 AM

You're just another part of me;

吃飯吃到睡了
我開車開到傻了
我看書看到你了
開始懷疑我怎麽了
説話說到吐了
我寫歌寫到瘋了
我愛你 愛到忙了
天知道我又怎麽了
不捨得 捨不得
都分手了
捨不得 不捨得
散樂 [愛是你的 我是我的 完了]
原來我只是突然累了
原來我不說了
原來我撐著撐到麻了
原來我不愛了

Why am I emo-ing?
Why must everyday come to the same ending,
Me waiting for nothing,
Me thinking that you're waiting
When I may be just dreaming
And maybe you're not waiting for me in the first place.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just my stupidity or my imagination;
Sometimes I think I'm a fool,
Just waiting like someone who waits for a free miracle;
And things like miracles happen only if we do something about it.
The problem is,
I don't. You don't. Maybe we don't even want to.

Adding on will be Sitong's great escapade to a 3.8 GPA. I'm serioudly happy that you're happy now.
But that's just the beginning for me,
As I pile upon myself more burdens.
WC got the same GPA as me. 3.73

I don't know anymore, I want to chiong, I want to piah my studies,
but I'm being drained of all my remaining strength;
I want to get to know you more,
But I'm too weak and sceptical to try;
I want to tell you things that I have always wanted to tell you,
But maybe 'our' spark wasn't even there in the first place.
It was actually my hopeless, one-sided spark.

原來我只是突然累了
原來我不說了
原來我撐著撐到麻了
原來我不愛了





-7:34 AM

Have you never noticed?
When you were down,
When your day was utterly bad,
When you needed somebody to talk to,
He was there,
Always.

When you were happy,
When you wanted to share your joy even after midnight,
He was there,
Through it all

You treated him like a very good friend,
He was anticipating for every word you made
He was there,
Waiting for your word.

Good riddance, Open Your Eyes!
He was there for you!
Now,
Maybe you did not ever know but
His care overwhelms yours
His joy overwhelms yours when you speak,
His grief overcomes yours when you're emo-ing
So now, give him your full attention, will you?

----

Si Tong,
All shall be fine.
We are behind you ok?
Never give up hopes for your very justice.
We're your utmost back-up forever.

----

I guess we've nearly nothing more to say to each other
Maybe we're waiting for something
Which was not there in the first place.
Ponder on my first part.
Isn't there somebody who will always be the first thing on your mind when you're ready to talk?


-5:47 AM

I'll nvr look at those videos again
Never! Never! Never!

It's a new day, But it all feels old
I guess thats not for me,
I feel that I won't float anymore lol

WC says its time to piah for studies
Sitong says Dou Qin
Sylvester says get more primary sch frens to come here
Well, it's k. I won't stop u guys.

For when you are oblivious
I am torrendous
And maybe some coquettishness
Gets me all over in my farces
No turning back for me,
else im seriously laughing at my own
BLOODY STUPIDITY AND ***NESS
lol, I bet WC's laughing to tears now


-5:04 AM

You used to be part of me
Till it finally ventured too far
You're not the first thing on my mind anymore
I'm sorry
I didn't want to
But you disappointed me first
And now it's my turn to disappoint you.


Miss Poh rocks, and so does the Diagnostic Quiz on Algebraic Manipulation and Factorisation.
Woah, Miss Poh is seriously the most hardworking teacher ever;
And I'll admit it as many times as I want to
Miss Poh is Pro Pro Pro Pro Pro Pro
I'd just found out that all my teachersa are imba and lovable at all times
Whether its good times or bad times,
Tantrums or Esctacy,
They're there,
Always willing to lend a hand, fighting for your justice.
Mr eugene is so too,
but we only got a 15 for IPO; so now WC and I got only an A for geog. We needed a 17.
FPS is okay
Sitong's so close to Iris now
Fabian's wandering further from us.
I wonder if he can still keep up his cool
I wonder if I can keep up without him
I wonder if this group still can survive.
FPS is getting more exciting and looked-forward-to by my friends WC and Si Tong
While its starting to get so meaningless for me
It'll help me
But the drive is gone,
Maybe for good.

WC must be rejoicing over his GPA
Si Tong must be playing Dou Qin at 1 min or less
And I'm here,
Emo-ing,
I don't know what's left.
No motivation, no drive, no nothing at all.
Level camp shall be the next hope I'll look forward to.


-4:22 AM

Sadness is encompassing all of us,
Me and you,
him and him,
her and her.
It's so generic I won't call it emo anymore.
I don't want to dao you.
So many times I feel that we're drifting
So many times I feel you're wavering
So many times,
Maybe we're getting distant
I'm too scared
When I dao you,
I feel a rapier scouring through my heart
When you're before me
My heart stops; I am rooted to the ground

WC LoLed.
Sitong confessed.
That's not all.

Both of them are going to get 3.86 for GPA and I'm going to get 3.8
What has this world become
Maybe my mind's so filled with you that I'm losing the berserker in me
But i won't lose heart now
You're not going to leave my mind
Nor will the berserker do.

IRON MAN ROCKS
TONY STARK ROCKS
ROBERT DOWNEY JR ROCKS EVERYTHING GOT TO DO WITH IRON MAN ROCKS
WATCH IT NOW
I GIVE IT 5 STARS
lol I'm no critic but well,
I loved Iron Man


-6:54 PM

Class dinner today
Won't disappoint u anymore, Sitong.

Oh, WC, why gay pimp?
Pimp hires chickens and ducks but why gay?
Lol, WC must be one too.

Wasted my time.
Haha.
WC, let's just forget yesterday
Lets make a great escape
(Into Cabal or something)

Just realised the date and time of my blog's posts are damn screwed
I dont know how to fix it
any Gemma pros who can help pls do.

Thanks for the Memories
Even though they weren't so great
I'll dump them away for sure this time
No turning back


-6:51 AM

Peaceful
Ripples absent
Calm and coherent
The lake is undisturbed
But only two swans on the lake
Shall dominate its place
Peaceful
Longing
Tranquility Present
Simplicity, not blatant
The two swans come together
Nothing shall take their place
They are their eternity,
They are their personal dimensions.

But lo and behold,
A gunshot
A flurry of activity
Blood
Separation
They are their eternity
And so are they their own eternal separation
Who knows but the gunshot
What is done
Can never be undone again.


-6:34 AM

Enough is enough.
Sometimes a line must be drawn.
And for this,
It will be drawn now.

From cock-talker,
I become considerate.
And tis' for the same treatment?
No more.
I'm speaking in general, just in case the Wiki kia comes back here to fk about.

Lol,
Gay is popularity?
Yes, maybe.
But you must have the face, the cuteness etc. etc.
Then it's all fine.
If you'd be me, people will have a different perspective no matter what changes you make.
Yah, it's much better than before, and I must admit that so many Gemmarians are becoming pleasantly great to work with. Well, my group members in different projects so far.
But well,
I think that this is just a stab into my guts.

For now, I'll just pull up my pants high,
Put my hair straight or spike it up
Pull up my socks,
Wear my spectacles at the lower bridge of my nose.
Maybe if I was this way I'd be better in terms of image.

Maybe people will start saying
Nerd. Emo.
I don't care xD
Really.
I'll just zip up my mouth unless to friends and get this over and done with.
I am still alive.

-----

I'm too tired.
Leave the whole thing alone for a period of time.
People get tired.
And when the extras come in,
People become
Extremely Fatigued.

-----


This keeps rapping on my head.
When will this stop?
I never meant to hurt anyone.
Just give me time to think.
I'll just let the whole thing go for the moment.
Ah
I'll just be a shadow
Maybe it'll be better for everybody.


-12:17 AM

I guess my blog's resurrecting after all.

But not for long though.



Labor Day's getting so boring with so many stuff to chiong (Science Ecology Assessment is one imba thing). Good friends all gone out or dao me; I'm stuck in this home like a Mockingbird stuck in a cage, singing its way to death. WC, Daniel go Tampines do Ju Ben, (Wei Lin is my group Ju Ben tanker =D) Fabian go CS concert, Geoffrey never talks, Mancini at Sakae Changi forever, Ernest don't know keep getting d/ced by Cabal, can't contact. Mario chionging Science too, don't want to be disturbed, Dillon dun noe where, Xu Ning must be slacking, Ang in dreamworld, Alvin in Naruto dreamland and Si Tong; I let him down too much; he's dao-ing me and I deserve it...



I'm feeling lonely.

Not cold, not abandoned, not left out.

Lonely. I'm so lonely I'm getting unusual shutters.



I don't know what's into the education programme.

It's very interesting, engaging and challenging.

But the projects are multitudinous and jaw-dropping.

Never mind,

I think I'll cope.



I could have gone for a good Iron Man movie. 10.45am. With Sitong and WC. But ____ just broke it and I could not deny ____. I let down Si Tong, I let down WC(WC still ok since he has ju ben). I won't ask for forgiveness but I know Sitong's a forgiving guy. Let's just forget about today, ok?

Hey there, don't get angry anymore.
Do you know that each time you flare up,
It leaves a scald on my heart irrevocable?
I know it's not directed to me;
Maybe it's not even my business but-
I just can't bear to see you mad.
You're great when you're cheerful;
So let me be your mental pillar of support,
Even if I'm not there physically.

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